do you ever just feel sick inside.

just hope that things you have done are not expected the next time around. that when you see that person again you dont just crumble in uncomfortable squim.

i dont even know what the words are in my head. i dont know how to just be okay.

i cant let it in, no matter how much i may want it.


sick inside from expectations, from your self and from others. sick inside because of something missing


i understand that its so far gone, that i cant bare thinking about it. but i mis it so much.

i lay there and just wish that i couldn't feel it. the pain i feel, i keep going, i've learned to put black over white, white over black, to un tie the knot that always forms, but even when untied i still feel bound with the dried tears.


so sick inside about not knowing what you want.



attention, i want, i miss, but when given, i dont know if i can take. if taken i dont know if i wanted it from that point on or from the one who gave.



its like a light its so beautiful, you can taste it, you look at it, and never want to let it go, but can't seem to look at it any more. you hope that it doesn't just burn out. but when it does you are upset. i can't see anymore.....fucking have to change the bulb again. i hate changing light bulbs









thoughs of if i am falling back again. missing something again. missing the feelings. missing the little things i had.












wouldn't be taken, wouldn't be wanted, wouldn't be loved the way i wanted.


its infront of me but i can't see it...and if i could i dont know if i would take it.



































smash the things i have done wrong, i can't even for get the things that change.